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I finally understand now why my mom and I haven’t been able to have a relationship since I moved out. It’s not because she’s incapable of loving that’s wrong. She can. I am unable to forgive her. I don’t know why I can’t forgive but something in me won’t let me. Something about thought of her reentering my life sounds like poison to my emotions and thought process. I realize that until I forgive her I can’t talk to her, and I’m not sure I can forgive her which means bad news for me. If I can’t forgive my own mother then what kind of person does that make me? How can I have other relationships in my life if I can’t have one with my mom? Looking back on what little experience of intimate relationships I’ve had they’ve been horrible. Granted, I’ve only had two, and one of them wasn’t even my boyfriend. Why do I have such a problem with being emotionally invested in people? My first and only boyfriend was a complete ass, and I destroyed him unintentionally. My other relationship had no feelings involved what so ever and that was a huge mistake. A mistake that may prove to be a problem if I pursue the current guy I’m interested in.
I think it may be best if I never involve myself in another relationship again.